Autumn K Sanders

Hey friends, welcome back to the blog! Life has been pretty busy so I did end up skipping a week. But I'm back! So for this week's post, I wanted to try a little something different. Some of my favorite blog post to read, are the ones about vulnerability. I wanted to try a little bit of that this week, talking about something I've struggled with for a while. My good old friend, anxiety.

So, if you've ever met me you'd know I wear many hats. I'm a full-time college student, a blogger, a public relations intern, a magazine contributor, a daughter and a friend. To top all of that off I'm also a perfectionist, and way too hard on myself. So it's not really a surprise that around the seventh or eighth grade I developed a bit of anxiety. Well, it'd kind of been something I lived with and didn't really think much about. That is until about last summer. So this past summer I was balancing an internship, a part-time job, and trying to desperately make something of this blog.

At first, I don't think I even realized that my anxiety was getting worse. I just thought I was a little moodier, and just having a rough week. Then I had a full-blown panic attack. Because I didn't realize how overworked and exhausted I was, it completely caught me off guard. I was heading downstairs to grab breakfast when I felt like I was slipping into paralysis. I physically could not move my body. Then my hands started to shake, and I felt like I was hyperventilating. It was by this point I realized what was happening, which in turn made me even for upset. All I could do was lay there, and sob until it was over. And y'all I would not wish that feeling of immense helplessness on my worse enemy.

These happened to me three more times that month, but I kept it to myself. I was so afraid that telling people I had anxiety meant I was broken, or a burden. It meant I was even further away from this image of perfection that I'd tried to create for myself.

Eventually, I ended up confiding in a friend about my struggles, and she encouraged me to talk to my mom. And wow, was that emotional. But she was also able to share some truths with me that I want to share with you as well. She said to me,

"Having struggles doesn't make you weak. We all have them and that's what makes us human."

I know it sounds like a really simple proclamation, and something I should've been able to come to myself. But I can't even begin to describe how freeing it was to hear that it's okay not to be okay. And I hope that if you've gotten anything from this post it's that. If you're going through a rough time, it's okay. And you're never alone.

Until Next Time,
Autumn