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Hey friends, welcome back to the blog! Life has been pretty busy so I did end up skipping a week. But I'm back! So for this week's post, I wanted to try a little something different. Some of my favorite blog post to read, are the ones about vulnerability. I wanted to try a little bit of that this week, talking about something I've struggled with for a while. My good old friend, anxiety.
So, if you've ever met me you'd know I wear many hats. I'm a full-time college student, a blogger, a public relations intern, a magazine contributor, a daughter and a friend. To top all of that off I'm also a perfectionist, and way too hard on myself. So it's not really a surprise that around the seventh or eighth grade I developed a bit of anxiety. Well, it'd kind of been something I lived with and didn't really think much about. That is until about last summer. So this past summer I was balancing an internship, a part-time job, and trying to desperately make something of this blog.
At first, I don't think I even realized that my anxiety was getting worse. I just thought I was a little moodier, and just having a rough week. Then I had a full-blown panic attack. Because I didn't realize how overworked and exhausted I was, it completely caught me off guard. I was heading downstairs to grab breakfast when I felt like I was slipping into paralysis. I physically could not move my body. Then my hands started to shake, and I felt like I was hyperventilating. It was by this point I realized what was happening, which in turn made me even for upset. All I could do was lay there, and sob until it was over. And y'all I would not wish that feeling of immense helplessness on my worse enemy.
These happened to me three more times that month, but I kept it to myself. I was so afraid that telling people I had anxiety meant I was broken, or a burden. It meant I was even further away from this image of perfection that I'd tried to create for myself.
Eventually, I ended up confiding in a friend about my struggles, and she encouraged me to talk to my mom. And wow, was that emotional. But she was also able to share some truths with me that I want to share with you as well. She said to me,
"Having struggles doesn't make you weak. We all have them and that's what makes us human."I know it sounds like a really simple proclamation, and something I should've been able to come to myself. But I can't even begin to describe how freeing it was to hear that it's okay not to be okay. And I hope that if you've gotten anything from this post it's that. If you're going through a rough time, it's okay. And you're never alone.
Until Next Time,
Autumn
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